Let’s hope you’re not trying to annoy an INFJ because if you are, said INFJ can and will come unglued on you at a certain point. They aren’t exactly known for their patience, except when it comes to their loved ones, but it can be a little touch and go there too.
You’re likely here because you might know an INFJ, are living with one or related to one. Are you trying to figure out why your INFJ gets so moody or short with you? Or, maybe you just want to better understand their idiosyncrasies or potential triggers (especially if you’re triggering them).
I happen to be an INFJ myself and can shed a little light on what might annoy an INFJ. Generally, we’re easy to get a long with as long as you respect our space and aren’t a jackass. And, let’s be honest here. You may be a bit of a jackass and just not know it. Narcissists, I’m talking to you.
If you want a list of what can really annoy an INFJ, I got you. Here we go.
- NOISE AND CHAOS. Chaos can manifest in many different ways, both internally and externally and, as an INFJ, it’s in our nature to try and organize or control it in some way.
Externally, when things get too loud or too much is going on at once, we start to feel overwhelmed by our environment. This type of chaos sometimes can be controlled, like loud kids, cluttered spaces, or avoiding a social gathering, but internal chaos is different. Our minds, or even our relationships, can feel chaotic or unsettled, leaving us feeling stressed or burned out until we can effectively sort things out in our head.
We do have a tendency to try and avoid chaos because we tend to thrive in calm and serene environments, but we also understand that we can’t always avoid it. As long as the chaos is temporary, and it usually is, it may be doable.
- CONFLICT. We are harmonizers. Keepers of the peace. We don’t like rocking the boat or upsetting those around us, and conflict can be a heavy emotional drain on us. Our natural intuition can also surmise that certain arguments are bound to be pointless, so conflict is usually something we tend to avoid for these reasons.
However, it’s out of our control if you decide to confront us directly and, at that point, we may still try to keep the peace. If you verbally attack us or our values directly, we will likely defend aggressively, so be prepared.
- EGOTISM. This covers a lot of ground – manipulation, dishonesty, and all of the many attention seekers, like narcissists, who seem to be drawn to us INFJs like a moth to flame.
INFJs naturally put their loved ones first, so we have little tolerance for those who are too caught up in themselves to consider the needs of others, or talk down to people. This type of person is an immediate turn-off for INFJs and someone who is extremely difficult for us to be around for any amount of time.
- INVASION OF SPACE. This is an unspoken boundary of the INFJ. Do not invade our immediate personal space, especially if you are a stranger or acquaintance. This makes us extremely uncomfortable, and often even makes us feel offended by your very presence.
Personal space can also be considered a space used to recharge or withdraw to for INFJs, so please allow us the time and space we need to tend to ourselves, for everyone’s sake.
- THE UNEXPECTED. The only type of surprise I like is an unexpected gift or affection. Generally speaking, most INFJs don’t want a surprise party, unforeseen changes, or even have unexpected visitors. We like to plan ahead and be prepared, so please do us both a favor and communicate with us beforehand.
- CRUELTY AND INJUSTICE. INFJs are natural-born helpers and very empathic towards others. We are constantly striving to make the world a better place, so when they see someone blatantly treating someone in a cruel or demeaning way, we will likely intervene. This includes everything from gossiping behind someone’s back to cruelty to animals and children, and everything in between.
- FAÇADES. Insincere, disingenuous, fake people get under our skin intensely. It’s one thing to be polite or nice, but it’s another to pretend to be something or someone you’re not. We can see that you’re trying to get people to like you, but it’s pretty irritating to most people who can see it, but it will especially annoy an INFJ.
The easiest way to get us to like you is to just be yourself, and talk about the things that really matter to you, whether you have a passion or love for music, or you want to talk about abstract ideas or the meaning of life.
- INCONSIDERATION. I am thoughtful and considerate of others. I respect their time. I say “thank you”. I give you plenty of notice for an event. I keep my promises. I listen to you, without interruption. If I say I’ll be there at 11, I’ll likely be 10 minutes early. This will not be true for all INFJs, but likely the majority due to our judging function.
We would like the same consideration in return. We’re not asking you to be someone else, but just to consider us a little bit. These are small things to give.
Runner Up: IMPERFECTION. This one can go from mild annoyance to obsessive in a matter of minutes, but I don’t consider it to be major, in most cases, although it’s up there for me. How about you? How strongly does imperfection effect you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Keeping Your INFJ Happy
Honestly, it’s not your job to keep us happy. That’s our job, but you can make things a little easier for us, especially by allowing us our personal space when we need it. That is the most vital to our overall well being.
Oh, and not throwing us that big surprise party you were thinking about.
And, although communication and dealing with conflict is hard for us, it’s not impossible. As long as we work together with our significant other (or friend) to better understand each other and develop a communication strategy that works for both us, all things are possible.
As far as everything else goes, that’s mostly on us. We are usually very selective about who and what we allow into our lives by way of how we connect with others and the boundaries we set.
Everyone has major annoyances, and sometimes they can be harmlessly avoided, but the great part about them is when we’re confronted by them, we (even the INFJ) have the opportunity to rise to a challenge.